Suicide is not rational – no self-harm is. It’s a hijacking of the brain. I would rather not talk about it. I would prefer to keep this skeleton in the closet, but, unfortunately, if I do I may become a skeleton myself. My therapist once said something that has impacted me: “Its important to talk […]
I go to a yoga class every Saturday morning at 8am. It isn’t easy and it is probably only possible because the studio is five minutes from my house. I find myself going out of a sense of obligation knowing that it is good for me. My attitude changes when I get there: relief begins […]
I used to think that triggers were woven into the fabric of my life: evidence of permanent brokenness. I lived in constant fear of triggers. I tried to go to support groups but it was too difficult. I feared what was on TV and in books and the news. The slightest thing would debilitate me: […]
It’s strange when the smallest things people take for granted seem so huge to me. I never go to shops. Never. I steel myself to go out to stores for what I can’t get online. My favorite grocery store moved to a bigger space so at least it feels less suffocating. I decided to fight […]
One of my mantras is “it’s OK to not be OK”. This stems from growing up in a family where I was often told that I didn’t smile enough, that I wasn’t happy enough. It led me to try present something on the outside that was often far different than my true self. Our culture […]
I find myself holding my breath. A lot. I do it so often that it’s no wonder that I can’t think straight sometimes: there’s little oxygen flowing to the brain. Forgetting to breathe is a huge part of my anxiety and being overwhelmed. It exacerbates the feeling of drowning: gasping for air, the weight of […]
Healing The Ache 