I go to a yoga class every Saturday morning at 8am. It isn’t easy and it is probably only possible because the studio is five minutes from my house. I find myself going out of a sense of obligation knowing that it is good for me. My attitude changes when I get there: relief begins […]
The ghosts of the past trail me looking for weak moments. They say that cutting is the only way to get relief . . . They notice me take a long, deep breath of rubbing alcohol fumes that take me back to the days of martinis and blackouts. How could I long to go back […]
My voice is sounding weird to me: like I’m in an echo chamber. I’ve been isolating and don’t feel like talking to anyone or seeing anyone. Of course this isn’t possible in everyday life so part of me disconnects and makes me feel separate. I’m in a weird place where I’m personable and carrying on […]
My four year old has some challenges. One of the things that helps him transition from one activity to the next is having various objects with him. They are different from day to day, except his blanket and a worn piece of thick yarn. Sometimes he sneaks things into his pocket that I’d prefer he […]
I come in from gardening and my children are there to greet me. They are my boys and yet I cannot register this. I cannot register that I am their mother, that I am standing in our kitchen, that I am real, that they are real. It is a living hell. They are talking to […]
“Derealization (sometimes abbreviated as DR) is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one’s environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring, and depth. It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions. Derealization is a subjective experience of unreality of the outside […]
Today marks the anniversary of an experience I never wish to repeat. The earth was in full mode of Spring: beautiful pink blossoms on my tree out back, flowers gorgeously blooming, grass picturesquely green. The beauty seemed to mock the inner storm in which I was caught: I was barely functioning. I lay under the […]
