Confession

Confession: I have been down on myself and overwhelmed lately. I feel like I have no business even talking about it because I have not been trying very hard at self-care. It’s like I have to earn the right to admit that I am – once again – overwhelmed and lonely. Everything from taking my […]

The Pendulum

They say life has ups and downs.  This makes sense.  I get so discouraged, though, when life seems like a pendulum.  It is swinging back and forth: sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly.  I had a week of being frightened, scared to be alone, being on the edge of a chasm that threatened to swallow me […]

The Bridge and the Chasm

Not an easy month: two weeks ago an overwhelming darkness threatened to consume me. Running through my mind over and over were thoughts of how to end my life. The thoughts were in an endless loop and they came suddenly, without a trigger. I was completely blindsided. They came during a sweet, peaceful time that […]

Pressure Cooker

My husband and I have marriage counseling on Wednesday nights.    Things are not dire between us: we are not on the brink of divorce or fighting all the time, we are just trying to make our marriage more healthy.  It is a lot of work. I can count on one hand the number of […]

on being “ok”

One of my mantras is “it’s OK to not be OK”.  This stems from growing up in a family where I was often told that I didn’t smile enough, that I wasn’t happy enough.  It led me to try present something on the outside that was often far different than my true self. Our culture […]

Slow Progress

Eating has been going better of late but there is much room for improvement.  I’m discouraged because I still have a bi-weekly ritual of emptying the fridge of rotting food.  I’m spending too much on takeout.  I feel stressed and stuck.  It frustrates my husband but he is very kind in trying not to say […]

It’s Time to Eat

I’ve had regular meals since yesterday afternoon.  I don’t have time to fight this shit:  I need to move on.  I’m not going to play the life-sucking game of am I ready to work on it or not, am I worth it or not, do I have the determination or not.  I am not going […]