Today marks the anniversary of an experience I never wish to repeat. The earth was in full mode of Spring: beautiful pink blossoms on my tree out back, flowers gorgeously blooming, grass picturesquely green. The beauty seemed to mock the inner storm in which I was caught: I was barely functioning. I lay under the […]
They say life has ups and downs. This makes sense. I get so discouraged, though, when life seems like a pendulum. It is swinging back and forth: sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. I had a week of being frightened, scared to be alone, being on the edge of a chasm that threatened to swallow me […]
I haven’t been writing because I’ve been surviving. I wish I could say that I’ve been okay but the reality is that I have been barely getting by. The Ache, the quicksand, the darkness, were about to engulf me. I was frightened. I was scared of myself: scared that I would do the thing that […]
I’m often self-conscious about how I reveal my struggles (may I say illness?) to other people – even those most close to me. It is so easy for me to be hurt by good intentions, by people trying to help. Usually they end up inadvertently invalidating the severity of my experiences. If they haven’t walked […]
It is a fairly common saying that hard times are valleys and good times are mountains. What’s up with that? I find valleys to be rather pleasant: the ground is even, the weather more mild, no obstacles. Mountains are incredibly hard to surmount and once you are at the top you have to go back […]
Calling the psychiatrist’s office to request an earlier appointment is always an emotional experience for me: I’m anxious and embarrassed and feel like I’m being a bother. I’m embarrassed for implying that I will have a difficult time waiting until my scheduled appointment – that life has gotten to be too much and even though […]
I see you. I see you driving away from your house with tears of shame and defeat in your eyes. Feeling hopelessly messed up because you desperately (trying not to sound desperate) texted your neighbor to see if she could watch the kids. You were falling apart and scared: scared by how much energy and […]
Healing The Ache 