I come in from gardening and my children are there to greet me. They are my boys and yet I cannot register this. I cannot register that I am their mother, that I am standing in our kitchen, that I am real, that they are real. It is a living hell. They are talking to […]
My husband and I have marriage counseling on Wednesday nights. Things are not dire between us: we are not on the brink of divorce or fighting all the time, we are just trying to make our marriage more healthy. It is a lot of work. I can count on one hand the number of […]
The numbness is overtaking me and I feel so lost and alone. I am not in a strong place right now . . . I’m alive, I’m functioning (to a point) – I am thankful for this at least. But my stomach is turning with anxiety and my chest is tight with grief because I […]
I find that the daily struggle to be functional and healthy has perhaps skewed my view of “normal”. I know everyone’s normal takes different forms but it’s discouraging for me when the abnormal becomes normal. It’s “abnormal” to be so detached that your voice sounds like a stranger’s, that the faces of loved ones don’t […]
The trouble with mental illness is that when I try to be optimistic and tell myself on a bad day that tomorrow will be better I’m often disappointed. I don’t know why I expect the next day to be better, I suppose it is something that keeps me going: the hope that it will. In […]
Last night on Facebook a friend posted a GIF of a woman pouring a huge glass of whiskey in lament that Monday was soon upon her. I was entertained at first but then my heart sank. Seeing that Jack Daniels so liberally served to drown her distress hit a nerve. I know it was supposed […]
I’m so numb today that I can barely function. Unfortunately, lying down on the couch and staring out the window all day is not an option. There is no cause, no catalyst – just numbness. I’m in a fog and nothing seems real. I forget what I’m doing when I’m in the middle of it […]
Healing The Ache 