Frightening Disconnect

I come in from gardening and my children are there to greet me.  They are my boys and yet I cannot register this.  I cannot register that I am their mother, that I am standing in our kitchen, that I am real, that they are real.  It is a living hell.  They are talking to […]

Pressure Cooker

My husband and I have marriage counseling on Wednesday nights.    Things are not dire between us: we are not on the brink of divorce or fighting all the time, we are just trying to make our marriage more healthy.  It is a lot of work. I can count on one hand the number of […]

Honest Confession

The numbness is overtaking me and I feel so lost and alone.  I am not in a strong place right now . . . I’m alive, I’m functioning (to a point) – I am thankful for this at least.  But my stomach is turning with anxiety and my chest is tight with grief because I […]


I find that the daily struggle to be functional and healthy has perhaps skewed my view of “normal”.  I know everyone’s normal takes different forms but it’s discouraging for me when the abnormal becomes normal.  It’s “abnormal” to be so detached that your voice sounds like a stranger’s, that the faces of loved ones don’t […]

Tomorrow will be better

The trouble with mental illness is that when I try to be optimistic and tell myself on a bad day that tomorrow will be better I’m often disappointed.  I don’t know why I expect the next day to be better, I suppose it is something that keeps me going: the hope that it will.  In […]


Last night on Facebook a friend posted a GIF of a woman pouring a huge glass of whiskey in lament that Monday was soon upon her.  I was entertained at first but then my heart sank.  Seeing that Jack Daniels so liberally served to drown her distress hit a nerve.  I know it was supposed […]

Losing Reality

I’m so numb today that I can barely function.  Unfortunately, lying down on the couch and staring out the window all day is not an option.  There is no cause, no catalyst – just numbness.  I’m in a fog and nothing seems real.  I forget what I’m doing when I’m in the middle of it […]