Honest Confession

The numbness is overtaking me and I feel so lost and alone.  I am not in a strong place right now . . . I’m alive, I’m functioning (to a point) – I am thankful for this at least.  But my stomach is turning with anxiety and my chest is tight with grief because I just can’t connect.  There it is: reality just in front of me but I am cut off.  I am doing everything I can to ground myself and nothing is working.  I want to give up.

I keep needing help and the more constantly that I need it the more self-conscious I become about asking for it.  I feel like a burdensome broken record.  I’m exhausted and overwhelmed.  When my life isn’t on the line I invalidate my need for help.

My hope is barely a flicker right now.  I’m scared that I will always have to fight so damn hard just to be here – to be in reality, to be alive, to function.

2 thoughts on “Honest Confession

  1. I just wanted to let you know I’d read and am thinking of you. I know the feeling of invalidation if my life isn’t on the line all too well, but we need to hang on to the idea that it *is* valid and should still be taken seriously.

    Have you got any thing else you can try to help ground you and get through some time? Mindless TV, a shower/bath with smellies, a walk or a book? Keep writing if it helps, and if I can help feel free to message me x

    Like

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