on being “ok”

One of my mantras is “it’s OK to not be OK”.  This stems from growing up in a family where I was often told that I didn’t smile enough, that I wasn’t happy enough.  It led me to try present something on the outside that was often far different than my true self. Our culture […]

Brief Reprieve

I have been experiencing derealization on a constant basis for four or more days.  I’m getting used to it but it breaks my heart.  I want to be here fully and not have to fight so much. My best friend from childhood visited today.  We hadn’t seen each other in ten years and it was […]

Good and Bad Days

Today was a really good day: the first one I can remember having for some time.  I had energy, I didn’t have to fight to be present, I didn’t feel misplaced in the reality around me.  I didn’t have to remind myself to breathe every other minute and I had barely any numbness. The maddening […]