Slow Progress

Eating has been going better of late but there is much room for improvement.  I’m discouraged because I still have a bi-weekly ritual of emptying the fridge of rotting food.  I’m spending too much on takeout.  I feel stressed and stuck.  It frustrates my husband but he is very kind in trying not to say […]

It’s Time to Eat

I’ve had regular meals since yesterday afternoon.  I don’t have time to fight this shit:  I need to move on.  I’m not going to play the life-sucking game of am I ready to work on it or not, am I worth it or not, do I have the determination or not.  I am not going […]

Brief Reprieve

I have been experiencing derealization on a constant basis for four or more days.  I’m getting used to it but it breaks my heart.  I want to be here fully and not have to fight so much. My best friend from childhood visited today.  We hadn’t seen each other in ten years and it was […]

Oxygen Isn’t Optional

I find myself holding my breath.  A lot.  I do it so often that it’s no wonder that I can’t think straight sometimes: there’s little oxygen flowing to the brain. Forgetting to breathe is a huge part of my anxiety and being overwhelmed.  It exacerbates the feeling of drowning: gasping for air, the weight of […]

When Others Don’t “Get It”

I’m often self-conscious about how I reveal my struggles (may I say illness?) to other people – even those most close to me.  It is so easy for me to be hurt by good intentions, by people trying to help.  Usually they end up inadvertently invalidating the severity of my experiences.  If they haven’t walked […]