I have been savoring this day. I have a clarity of mind and a peace that has been quite elusive lately. I imagine I have had posts like this before but the good stuff bears repeating. I was able to have my youngest child to myself this morning and it has been a joy getting […]
I used to think that triggers were woven into the fabric of my life: evidence of permanent brokenness. I lived in constant fear of triggers. I tried to go to support groups but it was too difficult. I feared what was on TV and in books and the news. The slightest thing would debilitate me: […]
A year ago I was sinking in the quicksand of self harm. I was cutting every day, multiple times a day. I couldn’t stop. Around the turn of the year I sat on the kitchen floor after I had gotten the kids in bed and just . . . . tore at myself. I barely […]
They say life has ups and downs. This makes sense. I get so discouraged, though, when life seems like a pendulum. It is swinging back and forth: sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. I had a week of being frightened, scared to be alone, being on the edge of a chasm that threatened to swallow me […]
One of my mantras is “it’s OK to not be OK”. This stems from growing up in a family where I was often told that I didn’t smile enough, that I wasn’t happy enough. It led me to try present something on the outside that was often far different than my true self. Our culture […]
I have been experiencing derealization on a constant basis for four or more days. I’m getting used to it but it breaks my heart. I want to be here fully and not have to fight so much. My best friend from childhood visited today. We hadn’t seen each other in ten years and it was […]
The trouble with mental illness is that when I try to be optimistic and tell myself on a bad day that tomorrow will be better I’m often disappointed. I don’t know why I expect the next day to be better, I suppose it is something that keeps me going: the hope that it will. In […]
Healing The Ache 