The worst is over yet I am still in anguish. I am alive and my brain has relented. It has lessened it’s destructive intentions just barely enough to give me a shard of hope that I’m not going to die. But I can’t breathe. I am still panicking. The mere act of existing still feels […]
Suicide is not rational – no self-harm is. It’s a hijacking of the brain. I would rather not talk about it. I would prefer to keep this skeleton in the closet, but, unfortunately, if I do I may become a skeleton myself. My therapist once said something that has impacted me: “Its important to talk […]
I was gone for more than two weeks. I was gone and there seemed to be no way to get me back. My mind was in a hellish place and the lie that became an obsession was that I shouldn’t be here anymore, that the only solution to save me and others from my pain […]
Today marks the anniversary of an experience I never wish to repeat. The earth was in full mode of Spring: beautiful pink blossoms on my tree out back, flowers gorgeously blooming, grass picturesquely green. The beauty seemed to mock the inner storm in which I was caught: I was barely functioning. I lay under the […]
A year ago I was sinking in the quicksand of self harm. I was cutting every day, multiple times a day. I couldn’t stop. Around the turn of the year I sat on the kitchen floor after I had gotten the kids in bed and just . . . . tore at myself. I barely […]
Not an easy month: two weeks ago an overwhelming darkness threatened to consume me. Running through my mind over and over were thoughts of how to end my life. The thoughts were in an endless loop and they came suddenly, without a trigger. I was completely blindsided. They came during a sweet, peaceful time that […]
Healing The Ache 