Letter to Myself

I see you.  I see you driving away from your house with tears of shame and defeat in your eyes.  Feeling hopelessly messed up because you desperately (trying not to sound desperate) texted your neighbor to see if she could watch the kids.  You were falling apart and scared: scared by how much energy and […]

Mondays

Last night on Facebook a friend posted a GIF of a woman pouring a huge glass of whiskey in lament that Monday was soon upon her.  I was entertained at first but then my heart sank.  Seeing that Jack Daniels so liberally served to drown her distress hit a nerve.  I know it was supposed […]

Good and Bad Days

Today was a really good day: the first one I can remember having for some time.  I had energy, I didn’t have to fight to be present, I didn’t feel misplaced in the reality around me.  I didn’t have to remind myself to breathe every other minute and I had barely any numbness. The maddening […]

Losing Reality

I’m so numb today that I can barely function.  Unfortunately, lying down on the couch and staring out the window all day is not an option.  There is no cause, no catalyst – just numbness.  I’m in a fog and nothing seems real.  I forget what I’m doing when I’m in the middle of it […]

Sobriety Birthday

I don’t remember much about July 12th.  Perhaps it should be my “sobriety birthday” since it was the first day: day one of no more drinking.  Ever.  But many who have been on the alcoholic’s journey know that there are many first days of “no more drinking, ever”. “Today is the day,” then a few […]