No time to rest: sleep eludes me and everyone needs everything from me all at once. Fighting for myself: fighting to eat, fighting to shower, fighting to feel like a functioning human being and – for the most part – succeeding. For a few days I thought of myself as Superwoman and yet that can’t go on forever. There is an inevitable crash because fighting for anything worthwhile requires energy and energy is finite. You know the cliches: you can only pour from a cup so much before it’s empty and needs to be refilled. “Refilling” is much, much easier said than done.
I’m caught in a whirlwind of needs and wants of others and myself while simultaneously trying to continue on my healing journey. On my less “superwoman days” I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I don’t know how I’m going to do all that I need to do for others and myself. And yet, somehow, it happens. And it is a lovely thing.
Are you caught in a whirlwind? It often feels like there isn’t a way out, that there is too much and it will go on forever. Maybe you have moments where the tempest is so strong that you are convinced you aren’t going to make it: that all will overcome you instead of you overcoming it. Maybe you are alone in your storm and you desperately long for someone to reach in and rescue you. We can’t do it alone. I can’t. One of the ways I fight for myself is to prioritize my therapy appointments, writing time, and quiet time. There seems to always be an imbalance and my coveted personal time dwindles away and is swallowed by the “tyranny of the urgent”. This is not unique. Please, Friend, keep fighting. Keep fighting for yourself even if it seems hopeless. Keep reaching out of the whirlwind to grasp the most healing thing you can do for yourself. I am on your side 150%.