Silence

Silence is golden . . . unless you’re drowning. I judge myself and hate myself and harm myself because I believe the lie that it will somehow get me out of the water enough to breathe but it does the exact opposite. Too often I just want to give up.

Silence kills. Silence is losing the will to survive.

I need to keep talking and keep writing or else the excruciating pressure of the pain will win in the end.

If only I could keep looking up to the sun in hope as I tread water. If only I could tell my brain that I’m worth saving and I’m not alone. I’m desperate for it to believe me. I’m desperate for change and healing or my wounds will never heal and I will be stuck in a hellish loop with no forward movement.

Hope, peace, healing, faith, trust, honesty – these are the lifelines thrown out to me. I am reaching . . . always reaching.

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